Until August 2007 there appeared to be a sort of general euphoria that house prices could only continue to rise and rise and that it was possible to make fantastic amounts of money by just sitting behind a screen and taking a risk that… things could only get better. Somehow the general perception was that the world had changed for good, that the lessons of history had become irrelevant and those who dared to take a reality check and express their misgivings risked spoiling the party for the rest.

Well the party is well and truly over for many of us now and a lot of people have been left to pay the bill for the party and clear up the mess too. That mess comprises lost jobs, financial hardship, decimated pensions, uncertainty, anxiety, stress, depression, anger and relationship difficulties. My clients bring these and other problems to my counselling room every day in January 2009. We are now living through the low after a euphoric high that lasted a full 10 years.

How can counselling help when people find themselves in a situation, usually through no fault of their own, which appears hopeless with no answers and no light at the end of the tunnel? Like a pressure cooker, it’s a good idea to release some of the pressure by easing off the valve and letting off some steam in a controlled, safe way. Talking it through in the counselling room can do just this. Maybe it is OK to feel angry and to express that anger. Maybe it wasn’t ‘all my fault’, maybe there are some options, maybe even a crisis can present opportunities. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to get an independent, non-judgemental view, a different perspective.

I offer every prospective new client a first meeting free of charge to see if working with me could help. If you’re interested just get in touch using my Contact Me page.

One of the tools that my clients find very useful to get those irritating thoughts to buzz off are are these 20 questions designed to challenge negative thinking…

1. Is this a thought or a fact?

2. Am I jumping to conclusions?

3. Is my view of things the only possible one?

4. Do these negative thoughts help or hinder me?

5. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thinking this way?

6. Am I asking qusetions that have no answers?

7. Am I thinking in terms of all or nothing?

8. Do my thoughts include ultimatum words?

9. Am I telling myself I’m a bad person because of things that have happened recently?

10. Am I concentrating on my weaknesses and forgetting my strengths?

11. Am I blaming myself for something that isn’t my fault?

12. Am I taking things personally?

13. Am I expecting myself to be perfect?

14. Am I using double standards?

15. Am I only looking at the black side of things?

16. Am I overestimating the chance of disaster?

17. Am I exaggerating the importance of events?

18. Am I worrying about the way things should be rather than dealing with them as they are?

19. Am I assuming there’s nothing I can do to change my situation?

20. Am I looking in a crystal ball , predicting the future?

With thanks to Clinical Psychology Central Manchester and Manchester Children’s University Hospitals NHS Trust 2002

At this time of year post Xmas and New Year many of us face a very different issue, dealing with the difficulty of life in midwinter when spring, let alone summer seems a very long way off. I call this The Midwinter Blues.

Why is it that so many of us find this time of year so difficult and encounter the midwinter blues? It is known that exposure to light and sunshine produces a chemical reaction in the brain which can make us feel good. That’s one of the reasons so many of us yearn for sun and sea at this time of year and the TV schedules feature programmes about summer holidays and search for the perfect beach. Some people suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) a type of depression which can be helped by exposure to daylight.

Some ancient cultures dealt with their own midwinter blues by holding midwinter celebrations or festivals and light was a feature of them. At Christmas time some of us cover the outside of our homes in lights. Our streets and shops are decked out with lights. In the Jewish culture there is Chanukah another midwinter festival taking place in December which is known as the Festival of Lights. Light, light and more light is what we hanker after.

Working in multi-cultural London, I find that some of the people who struggle most at this time of year are those from sunnier countries eg South Africa, Australia and South America who are just not used to living with the low light levels that we experience here at this northerly latitude at this time of year.

One of the consequences of the midwinter blues is that it can cloud all aspects of our lives so that everything seems bleak, grey and generally hopeless. If that’s how you’re feeling right now maybe I can help.

‘There ain’t no cure for the summertime blues’ sang Eddie in 1958 but maybe I can help you with your Midwinter Blues at the beginning of 2008.

Years back, not quite in the stone age, people lived in close knit communities. There were no cars, no phones, no TV’s, no PC’s. Life was simpler, more clearly defined and expectations were lower. Everyone knew their place, what they could expect from life, what work they would do and even who they would marry. If you were a boy, you would probably follow your father into his trade or profession. If you were a girl you would get married, have babies and become a housewife. The world was small and you might never venture outside your own community. If you had a problem you kept it to yourself or spoke to your grandparent, priest, vicar or rabbi.

Fast forward to 2007. The world is a global village and everyone has the possibility of realising their dreams. People go halfway across the world for the weekend. Brits go on holiday to Aus and meet their partners. South Africans come to live in the UK and fall in love with Brits. Etc, etc. And then cultural differences and problems can start to kick in.

And have we lost the art of communicating? In the ‘good old days’ people used to chat across their garden fences and look into their neighbours’ eyes. Today we don’t even speak on the phone, we don’t want to waste people’s time, we send a text or email instead. We go to work shutting out the world with our Ipods in our ears and our Blackberries in our hands.

Sounds great? Yes, to a point. But many of us now find that we have difficulty communicating. We know how to write a good text but having a chat is not so easy, either on the phone or in person.

And some of us have also lost the ability to RELATE.

How come I hate my boss?

Why don’t my parents understand me?

Why I am still on my own?

Why is it my partner just doesn’t get me?

How come he can’t see it my way?

Why does she nag me all the time?

Why do we fight all the time?

Why don’t we have sex any more?

Why don’t we have fun any more?

Why are relationships such hard work?

Maybe I’d be happier with someone else?

It wasn’t meant to be like this

Sounds familiar?

That’s where I come in…

It seems like only yesterday since Roger Federer lifted the mens singles cup just down the road at Wimbledon for a record equalling 5th time but that actually happened 10 weeks ago and whatever happened to our Great British Summer?

Here in SW20 it really is beginning to feel like Autumn and in many ways and for many of us this time is the start of a new year. In many cultures the new year starts in September. In the USA Labor Day marks the official end of summer. For students, teachers and all those involved in the academic world this time of year marks the start of a new year. For Jewish people the festival of Rosh Hashanah literally means the head of the year. Did you know that 11th September is the Ethiopian New Year? So to all members of the Jewish and Ethiopian communities Happy New Year to you!

For most of us September marks a return to work after our summer holidays and for many people that return is also something of a reality check - the realisation that our problems have not gone away. So I think there are two especially auspicious times to make a start on counselling, September and January the two traditional starts to a new year. It’s never easy to start taking a serious look at our difficulties but that first step, the commitment to do something, is very often the most rewarding.

If you’d like to discuss making a start on dealing with your issues send me a mail. Good luck!